5 Dark Truths About Self Improvement and Fitness

The first point that people often don’t talk about is how lonely the self improvement lifestyle can be. Friends and family don’t care about your goals as much as you do, if they care at all. It seems like the better you become, the further it pushes people away.

This is not to say that no one will support you, it’s just that people who have been a part of your life want the old version of you. That’s who you’ve become for them. As soon as you start leveling up, you’ll see that not everyone can come with. The more you improve, the less you’ll have in common with most people. They will not understand you, nor will they care. It’s not that they necessarily want you to fail, they just have no reason to care about your goals if they don’t benefit from them.

Early on in your fitness journey, no one will recognize what you’re doing and all the positive changes you’re making. You will feel invisible. There are seasons when all you can do is put your head down and work. It’s not until you reach a certain level of progress that people will even start noticing a difference.

There will be many long nights of being hungry, sore, tired and barely able to work out. The weight of FOMO (fear of missing out) can be crushing. It can feel like the world around you is moving a mile a minute, while you’re just sitting there with an ice pack, eating out of Tupperware containers and going to bed early.

Forget dating and going out. You’re married to the gym now. If you think your girl is going to want to eat meal prep with you, think again. Wine and dine isn’t going to help you get a six pack.

At one point, I had to choose between paying for groceries and going out with friends. I struggled to pay rent and couldn’t take any trips. Even though I barely had any money, I felt that if I could just afford my gym membership, some high quality protein, and maybe a nice tub of pre workout, I was all set.

If you have big fitness goals like maximizing muscle gains and getting ripped, it’s going to take sacrifice. To get the results you want in the gym and in life, you will need to give up certain activities. And they’re probably the activities that are most associated with “having fun” in our society.

You might be thinking, why not do activities where you can get fit and socialize at the same time, such as joining a class or playing sports? I would agree, those things can help. However, they won’t help you get the physique that you want. The end goal you have in mind requires more than just casually doing fitness with others. Your daily routine will be separate from what anyone else does. Activities with other people is good for your social life, but if you want to max out your body, 95% of your results will come from what you do in solitude.

It might be easier said than done but try not to isolate yourself for months at a time. But if that’s your current reality, so be it. Embrace the lonely season because every day that you show up and do what you need to, in the gym, at work and in life, that’s what builds character. That’s worth being in a season of loneliness.

It’s not a matter of if you experience body dysmorphia, but how much, or how well you can manage it.

Maybe it’s a bit extreme to say body dysmorphia is inevitable, however I don’t think it’s far off considering that it’s human nature to compare ourselves to others. As long as there’s an ideal fitness level you’re trying to reach, you’re always going to fall short. The more ambitious your fitness goals are, the more likely it is you’ll struggle with body image.

Back when I first started working out, there were no social media apps. I didn’t really follow bodybuilding in the 90’s because I was too young. The only comparisons I could make were with the people I saw at my gym.

Then as we started seeing fitness content online, that’s when body dysmorphia became a bigger thing. Social media has had a positive impact in some ways, but I think it’s been a net negative on fitness, and society as a whole.

Anyways, that’s beside the point.

One hard truth I’ve had to come to terms with is the amount of gains I can make naturally will only decrease as I get older. Sometimes it can take years to fully accept that you’re only able to achieve a certain physique, or level of success. Sometimes you’re never able to fully accept it. Others find that they can’t get results quickly enough, which is why so many people resort to taking PEDs and other shortcuts.

Social media has created an illusion of what the ideal physique looks like, or what it takes to achieve. It’s easy to believe that attaining your dream body is easy when everyone you follow is a fitness influencer. Even if you did exactly what they told you to, results will always vary. We all have different genetics, so you may never look like how you want, no matter how hard you try.

People have been using filters and photoshop for a while, but now add AI and we’re at a point where we’ve lost touch with what’s physically possible. From an evolutionary standpoint, I don’t think we were meant to see people from all over the world with picture perfect physiques, and not have it affect how we view ourselves.

The damage this has caused to our mental health is unknown because we are literally the first generation of humans that have had to deal with this. It’s no coincidence that mental health has gotten worse since right around the time that smartphones became a foundational part of our lives.

Consider taking a break from social media once in a while. Get back in touch with the real world and focus on the daily actions that bring you peace, a sense of purpose and get you the results you want.

The late great Kobe Bryant defined what it meant to never be satisfied and always strive to become better. This idea came to be known as “Mamba Mentality”.

It’s got a nice ring to it. Five rings, to be exact.

People love talking about Mamba Mentality and all the benefits it can bring, but rarely do they venture into the dark side. It’s a double-edged sword. While it can help you achieve success, it comes at the expense of never being satisfied with your accomplishments. Achieving your goals will bring a fleeting moment of joy, but ultimately leaves you feeling unfulfilled as you constantly chase after the next thing.

Ask anyone who has a great physique how their fitness goals have changed over time. They’ll probably tell you the goal post is always moving. Once they accomplish the first goal, they’ll just replace it with a new one. Rinse and repeat forever.

As you improve, you simply expect more from yourself. As you get the better body, more money or however else you define success, you effectively train yourself to become more dissatisfied. Your thoughts always revolve around self improvement and how to get better, to the point where you lose sight of how far you’ve come.

The appreciation you once had about your progress is lost because you endlessly seek more. Remember the first time you looked in the mirror and you were genuinely proud of how you looked? That satisfaction is short-lived. Your current fitness level won’t be enough to satisfy because you’re always moving onto the next thing.

The entire premise of self improvement is you don’t actually reach the destination ever. It’s all about the process and continuing to get better. What this means is the more progress you make, the more dissatisfied you become.

I really don’t know if there’s a simple solution here. All I can think of is you need to find purpose beyond the vanity. In other words, there has to be a deeper meaning behind why these goals are important to you. Attaining the ideal physique, reaching a certain level of performance or status in life is only part of what brings true fulfillment.

You have God’s favor. We are called by Him to take care of our bodies, make good use of our strengths and lead by example. Without this deeper purpose, all of the self improvement and fitness goals you accomplish will be in vain.

Another ugly truth about fitness is that you can develop disordered eating habits, or become obsessed with nutrition to where it affects your daily life.

If you’re serious about getting in shape, for example you want big muscles and a six pack, your diet needs to be way more on point than the average person’s. Not to mention if you also want to stay natural, that leaves you with very little wiggle room to fall off your diet. Reaching the fitness level you have in mind likely will require more than just eating sensibly.

The more ambitious your fitness goals are, the more likely it is you’ll become food-obsessed. For example, trying to get a six pack in a short amount of time can lead to making unhealthy choices, such as: going super low carb for extended periods, binge eating junk food after fasting, or meticulously tracking calories while constantly thinking about food. The truth is that dieting for your fitness goals is not fun at all.

You might start believing that your diet is the most important thing in the world and if you don’t stick to it, you’ll lose all your gains and everything will be ruined. That’s being overly dramatic and it’s obviously not true, but just to give you an idea of what can go through your head.

The argument against having such a restrictive diet sounds something like, “everything is OK in moderation” or “just live a little”. That sounds nice to say, but the harsh truth is you’re never going to reach your goals with that mindset.

What they don’t tell you is the one’s who actually get results don’t have the “balanced lifestyle” you think they do. They have no chill. The one’s who get the best results know what it takes to get there. They know it takes next-level discipline.

Casually approaching nutrition does not work. If you approach your diet with an “always try to improve” attitude, that mindset carries over into your daily routine and gets in the way of many activities. Whether it’s trying new restaurants, going out with friends, or spending time on your hobbies. Your diet becomes an obsession preventing you from fully enjoying these things.

Unless you have a personal chef, a wife or girlfriend who cooks for you, or you enjoy cooking new recipes, you likely won’t enjoy 80% of the food you eat on a daily basis. That’s one out of every five meals you’ll look forward to, if you’re lucky. Contrary to what many might say about meal prep, most of your meals are going to be boring. Unprocessed, whole food ingredients are bland by nature, so making them taste good takes consistent time and effort.

That might be a bit of a stretch but I wanted a catchy headline. Let me rephrase: consuming self improvement content can help you, but only if you apply it to your own life.

This is an unfortunate truth that many content creators and influencers don’t talk about because it doesn’t benefit them. It’s in their best interest to keep you watching, regardless. But the reality is that simply consuming content, even if it’s the best content in the world, will get you nowhere. Thinking about something versus doing it are two completely different actions.

Consuming content can feel like taking action and making progress, when all it’s really taking is your time and attention.

Imagine if someone has never ridden a bike, and you had to explain to them in words how to do it. Better yet, you recorded a video of yourself riding one and you told them to watch and learn. They should be able to ride a bike successfully just by watching you, right? Wrong.

Now picture someone who’s trying to get in shape only by consuming fitness content. They watch video after video, learning all there is to know about diet and exercise, what habits to adopt, etc. Although they might learn a thing or two, it won’t actually do anything for them.

Watching someone, or listening to them explain what to do/how to do it is not enough. To learn how to ride a bike, you need to fall repeatedly, experience the pain of failure, and learn what works and what doesn’t. The same thing applies to fitness. You need to practice the daily routine in order to truly experience self improvement and make positive changes.

Many times I’d watch videos on different topics like: working out, nutrition, making money, philosophy and mental health — all the standard self improvement stuff. Yet after watching hours of content, I didn’t actually do anything. It’s easy to get trapped in the endless cycle of consuming, only learning what to do as opposed to doing it. You trick yourself into believing that you’re moving the needle when you’re actually not.

I’m not saying that it’s meaningless to watch or share content because in a lot of ways they can help. But at a certain point, all that matters is your own experience. Get what you need and move on. Start taking action.

Self improvement and fitness can transform your life, but they come with challenges people rarely talk about—loneliness, obsession, and a constant feeling of never being enough. These struggles are real, but they don’t mean the journey isn’t worth it. Just remember: growth should serve you, not consume you. Your value isn’t in your physique, or the other measures of success, but in who you are and who you’re becoming. You were made for more than just progress — you were made for purpose.